Peterborough Diocesan Conference

Last night I had a nice experience.  I was invited to be the after dinner speaker at Peterborough Diocesan Conference at the Hayes Conference Centre, Swanwick.  All diocesan conferences are held there.  I expect its decreed by canon law.  You might think that there could be nothing worse outside of Oxford or Cambridge  than 300 clergy and licensed lay ministers in a confined space, but you'd be wrong about that.  Anglicans make an excellent audience.  How much this had to do with the wine served at the meal, I cannot say.  If I tell you that most people probably had several glasses, this would be misleading, as the Hayes serves wine in the world's smallest glasses.  Thimbles, practically.  Pff!  A mere mouthful.  More merlot, vicar?

I promised someone that I'd post a copy of the Lawyer's Festive Greeting, which I read out.  It was forwarded to me by a barrister friend last year.  (This is not my own composition, by the way.)  Here it is:

Festive Greetings

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
 

In addition, please also accept our best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual orientation of the wishers.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. 'Holiday' is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).

Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes for the wisher her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of it.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law.