OK, the hard facts. I've lost 20lb. But my metabolism, like a starving beast, prowls around waiting for the opportunity to replenish its pillaged fat reserves! Hence a period Transition is needed, to defend me from myself. It will last 100 days (5 days for each pound lost) and in it a range of foods are reintroduced--2 slices of wholemeal bread a day, one piece of fruit, 2oz of cheese, one serving of pasta a week. See picture above, featuring many exciting foodstuffs from Lidl. What is that chicken doing in there? you might be wondering. It symbolises the frivolous, the very Frenchness of this diet, mes amis. I am now allowed one celebration meal a week, in which anything goes. Except binging of course. The doctor wags a finger at greed. It's all about pleasure, not sin. This is no diet for a good Protestant girl, is it?
So how do you know when you have reached your goal in terms of weight loss? I have no truck with BMI, which takes no account of my immense muscularity. Nor do I have much time for the traditional charts, as they are based on nothing more scientific than somebody's idea of what a good weight ought to be. So being a devout Anglican I opted for a liturgical method: the Dean of Lichfield Cathedral told me to stop. 'Enough! Stop this Doodah diet immediately, or you'll fall down a crack!'